I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
