So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
