so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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