I wish my penis had an off switch
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
