1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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