Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
