This is not my ceiling
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
