if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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