the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
