Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
