I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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