I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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