I heard we made out
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
