Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
