can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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