Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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