you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
