Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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