please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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