I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
