were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can't special order awesome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
