I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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