wrigley field is MILF paradise
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
