in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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