Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
