I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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