p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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