Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
