The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
