just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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