Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
