If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
