dude i'm inner monologue high
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
