I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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