I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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