I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
