this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
