Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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