You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
