So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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