I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
