At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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