I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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