Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
