You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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