WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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