thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's always time for handjobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
