Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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