apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
