there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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