There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
