Your dad touched me again.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
